THE CHAPTER WITH THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

I brought out a piece of paper out of my missal. I cleaned the dust off of half of the pew. My roommate sat next to me— at the edge. Before long, two other guys and a girl sat on the pew. It was full by now. The girl sat right next to me. Somehow she kept on a hyperactive temperament.
"So you too, don't know how to speak Igbo, abi", she said.
I turned to see if I was the one being questioned.
"Hey, I'm getting better. You should have seen me way before now. You don't seem like an expert yourself."
"Don't mind me. I like teasing people."
"I'll report you to the priest."
"You're making me talk at mass", I chipped in.
"My mistake."
As usual, at the sign of the cross, I packed my things and started leaving.
I even forgot I came with a friend. Half way trekking alone with a favorite song in my ear, I realized something or someone was missing.
On getting to the hostel, he kept asking whether I got her number.
Then I realized he thought I ditched him for the girl.
It was useless trying to correct what seemed like the obvious scenario.
"So na where you take know am?"
"Na today be the first time wey I take eye see am. Wetin make you think say I know her before?"
"From una conversation."
"I don't know her. I just met her as you did today."
"That seems unlikely. With this your bone bone and wosky face. How she take gather mind follow you talk?"
"Guy, as you see me so, na how to chop dey my mind. You seem overly interested in her", I said giving him a suspicious countenance.
" I no fit talk about girl again?"
"No worry. I go track her down and get her number for you. Make you for rest."
"Guy I no send you oh. Besides, how you wan take track am down sef."
"Google it", I replied.
" You know, 'Google it' is not the answer to every question oh."
"Guy na wa for una oh. Una go church go dey chase girl", said another of my roommate.
" Guy, you no go church. We better pass you."
"The day wey I go ready to go church no be girl I go go chase."
"Guy na John chase the girl oh", I replied.
" Mr. Holier than thou, no be you the girl follow talk, wey you still come escort am?"
"He he he. Fowl nyansh don dey open oh, smirked the guy that didn't go to church.
" I no escort anybody. I come house straight. I no get strength for this talk. Believe anything wey you like. And you, no go church next Sunday. Dey here dey accuse the brethren", I slammed.
"I think I hit a nerve", said the guy that didn't go to church.

Let's call the guy that didn't go to church Ben. And the friend that went with me John.

Later that evening.

I was strolling to the ATM. I checked my card into the ATM and...
" You again. We met again. "
"Hey!"
"You seemed to have vanished after the mass ended."
"Ya. I think I do that subconsciously.
I don't really walk with people because I've got my music to listen to, I explained.
"A loner I see."
"What about you. You're a strong sanguine."
"How did you know that", she said with some level of surprise.
"Because you reek of it. But in a good way, of course."
We talked and talked.
Two sanguine meet. What do you expect.
Somehow, everything she said seem to make perfect sense to me. Even the weird ones. We were like mirror images of each other. By the time I checked my phone, I had spent four hours discussing with a stranger that really didn't seem strange.
But she would be the one that got away because one thing. Two like characters would tear up each other in time. It's one of the laws of nature.

THE CHAPTER WHERE I MET MY TIME PIECE.

'Twas 7:30am on a Monday morning. I had left home to trek for approximately thirty minutes to school.
I was Midway when I met a face, new at the time, but of noteworthy beauty.
It was Tuesday. I had left late for school. She would intercept paths with me really close to home.
I saw her whisking off, hoping she wasn't late. I had no time piece on me. I peered sternly at a clock in a shop and the time was 7:50am. I was really late. I hastened my footsteps and tried to walk faster than everyone in front of me.
A week later, it was Tuesday, I hadn't trek to school the days preceding today because I don't want to get flogged.
It was 7:20am. I was walking at my normal pace. I had walked past Midway the way to school when I met a face. Her face immediately registered as the girl I use as my time piece. I have her a smile but she didn't seem to quite notice. She was right not to notice. It wasn't for her.
I was satisfied by my earliness. I smirked all the way. I met a dusty class on my arrival. I hid myself in the wardrobe to avoid the assembly. When they were all downstairs, I came out. My coming early wasn't so I'll attend an assembly of students. It was to avoid the whips.
The next day I was to cross paths with her midway and this time she stopped me.
"You look familiar. Do I know you," she said.
"I don't know you, though each time I see you, it's either in late to school, or I'm early."
"Oh. And now?"
"I'm neither late nor early."
"And why do you say that?"
"I met you half way, you met me half way."
I never asked for a name. I never did need a name.

THE CHAPTER WHERE IT WAS INSOLUBLE.

'Twas evening on a Thursday. It was the penultimate day before my extra moral classes would seize. The mathematics teacher had just entered the class and then concocted a mathematics question— I think it was off measuration.
He was solving his example and as one well above what he was teaching, I realised it couldn't be solved. So I wanted to see what his answers would be.
Well, you could say I wanted to learn how he could prove me wrong.
He solved and solved. At that point I just watched carefully to see how he would escape the mess.
I wasn't one to let it go easily.
Alas, he would use a word I had only heard once before and it evoked uncontainable humour.
Two awkward intervals of silence later, he voiced out, "it is 'insoluble'".
" Hahaha!"
I literally laughed on top of my voice.
The term 'insoluble' reminded me mostly of a substance that can't dissolve.
I never really cared that it had a second meaning.
"Get out of my class, and I don't want to see you in my extra moral classes ever again. You lack etiquette!"
"Well, Sir, I think you mean 'social etiquette'. The word..."
I was still trying to finish when he charged towards me. I could be seen running towards the main road.
It was only a day before the end of the month, so it didn't matter that he drove me then.
Though I did apologize later, I can't understand why I was arrogant, with the fiendish display of knowledge.

A GUN, A GHOST AND TWO OLOKPAS

Lying down with my face on the floor. I felt the orifice of a gun on my head. A voice kept screaming, "so you think say you big pass this gun abi?
I go burst your brain now."
"Johnny calm down na."
"Oya Roger us the money now or we lock you for cell."
I made no movement. He hit the tapered end of my scapular. I wanted to scream but I was too angry to.
I believed I did nothing wrong.
"I don't have any money on me."
"So with all this oyibo you no get shishi?"
"We no dey joke oh. Bring money come out now", said the second guy.
"Lie down there."
It is 8.00pm
I'm still furious. I already killed them in my mind. Still on the ground, I felt sand in my eyes. But that didn't matter. I was too angry to care about that. I wished I could snap their necks.
"Guy, I dey hungry oh. Use that your one thousand that buy us roasted yam and bolle."
"You never pay me for the last time oh."
No worry I go use the money wey this guy go give us take pay you."
He crossed the road and minutes later he's back
"Guy money no reach."
"Na wa for you oh. You no get gun again?
Just show am gun and she go reduce the money for you."
"Abi? I no even reason am."
"As soon as I heard that, I realized this people can kill me, then create some crappy story about what happened.
I muttered a few hail Marys. Fear had gripped me. I realized they could kill me and get away with it. And nothing is holding them back.
Just then, a man walks in. He asked what I did, then paid the so-called ransom.
I laid there still confused who the man was and why he would help me. I couldn't fathom how a stranger could just come help me. I was even more scared.
"I hope I'm not going to be kidnapped for real", I thought.
" Young man, get up. You're free to go."
I stood up quietly, and just started walking away. The stranger followed me.
"So you no know say that place na no go area?"
I didn't realize how shocked I was till I tried opening my mouth.
"Yes sah."
Just then something bit me on my thigh. Turn to scratch it and at the same time I said, "thank you sah."
I turned around, and I could find no one with me.
A cold wind swept passed me and my head swelled.
"Ifite?"
Boarded a bus back to my hostel. As I sat on the bus, I could not stop thanking God.
"Ole ole ole ole ole ole!"
I just passed the common room and Real Madrid won a match. I stepped into the room and took my shirt off.
"Guy die by black hole!"
"I'm not in the mood for this."
"Die by mood."
Minutes later, I stepped into the bathroom.I scrubbed and I scrubbed. I could feel tears welling up just above the bottom lid. I got out of the bathroom and slipped into a blanket and slept off.

PS: This is a work of fiction. It is not connected to real life event.
Genre: Realistic Fiction.

A NIGHT CALL

I stood still for hours hoping the call would come in.
My name is Frank Alexander. And what I'm about to tell you is no fairy tale.
It is thirtyfirst of December, 2009.
I had left for church. There was supposed to be held a night vigil. The night was cold.
As I stepped into the church, and someone ran like in a scene of these romance movies and hugged me. It was both shocking and embarrassing. I stood there wrapped around by her arms and mine down as if being held strong by gravity. She didn't mind that I felt awkward by the whole arrangement. It was just too fortuitous. She said she has been hoping to run into me for like the past ten years.
I swallowed a thick big ball of sputum.
It's five minutes into meeting her and I haven't said any words yet.
She kept going on and on and I kept on nodding in the affirmative.
No doubt, she was pretty.
"I was going to go into the church."
"Are you coming?"
She said,"why, it's great out here."
"It's cool out here. And you know I'm not a catholic."
"She kept on trying to make eye contact.
I did often differed the gaze with a countenance decountenancing the gesture.
"what happened to your blue eyes?"
"What? Blue? Eyes?"
"Are you wearing contacts or something?"
"I totally don't understand what you mean."
"Ehn, what's your number? It would be horrible if I did forget."
"Zero seven zero eight one nine eight one eight two four."
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I was about to save her number when I got stuck at the name."
So I punched in the name Jane and saved it.
"You don't remember my name?"
I thought I discreetly saved her name to the contact but I was wrong.
"It's been ten years! Who would?"
"I didn't forget yours. Douglas Okoro", she said.
"And who is that?"
"You!"
"That is not my name! We are birds of a feather after all."
"What are you talking about.
Your full name is Douglas Chukwuebuka Okoro. Born on 14th July. From a family of four: three sisters and one boy. You are the only boy. Are you still in doubt?"
"No no no. Your making this up. None of that is true. I was birthed on 15th October.
One sister; three other brothers. My full name is Allen John Chukwuemeka Johnson.
Though you got the Chukwu correct."
"We attended the same school in Jos."
"No no. I've never been to Jos."
"I've never left Port Harcourt."
"But my parents moved down from Jos. But that was before they got married."
"So if what you're saying is true, how come you were talking to me like you know me. Why didn't you try to leave."
"I'm a gentleman. I can't let a beauty pass by even if it was a mistake."
"Akuko."
"To be frank, I'm seeing you for the first time."
to be continued...

"Five, four, three, two, one!
Happy new year!"
They both forgot what the discussion was and got lost in the euphoria of the new year.
"So what's your new year resolution", I asked.
" To stop hugging people until I'm sure they are known to me."
They both laughed.
"You are very funny. For one, I didn't freak out though."
"Thank God you didn't", she said with a shimmering smile.
"So do we just forget something is amiss here, she asked."
"I'm still pondering on who the person you knew was", I answered.
"Could it be a twin or just someone that incredibly resembles me", I wondered aloud.
"we would never know", she replied.
It was 12:30am now and the church compound was now almost empty.
They said their goodbyes and parted ways.
As he jumped on his bed, he murmured to himself.
"lying has never been this fun."
My name is Frank Alexander. And this is the story of my friend, Allen.
The time is 4:30am, and I just dropped a call from my friend Allen.
The End!

A Stolen Episode

He stepped in with grace, like one who has a million dollar to his name.
"I would like a ticket for that movie."
After starting at the brochure for minutes, he made a move for the movie with 'Thor' on the poster. As he was about leaving the booth, a girl stepped in, and stepped on his foot. He turned, taking a look at her, he saw she was giving him a countenance which seemed to read— "you no dey see road?"
Being a gentleman of some degree, he motioned to get his pop corn.
There he was, collecting the 'swear' of a pop corn and the vicious lady nearly knock it off of his hand, but for the almost instant intervention of his reflex.
"Shit!"
He walked into the viewing room only to realise he was being stalked by someone. He didn't turn to check inorder not to summon an ambience of awkwardness. As he stepped into his seat, a voice said, "may I sit?"
"Most certainly," he said.
"So he stood you up right?"
"You would know, wouldn't you," she retorted.
"There are very few instances that lead a lady here alone."
"Really," she replied.
"He said he was going to show up, then he thought better of it."
"So I'm not worth meeting?"
"Good. Tell that to him."
Then he continued.
"He most likely got himself a nice believable excuse for when next you two meet. You are always early in everything you do and obviously the heart of your 'relationship', so you made it earlier than the rendezvous time, only for him to stall. Now you're already here, I'm guessing you are the type that can't let a moment go to waste. So you bought yourself a ticket and almost ruined my evening in the process.
" Is that all, or you still have some divining to do? "
"Wait, let me ask Ifa."
"You're a nairalander," she cut in almost immediately.
"Yah."
"Shh!"
Someone shushed them from in front.
"Shut up too, or I don't believe it," she slammed.
They both laughed as she used the colloquial nairaland phrase.
Their 'shusher' got up, moved to another seat and sat there.
"You do know your boyfriend is not around, right?"
"I've got you."
"Ha ha ha. You don't 'gat' me," shaking his head as he gave her a dissuading countenance.
"Make I here," she said smiling while calling his bluff.
The movie was soon over with neither of them glimpsing at the big screen. They both stepped out of the cinema and he made as if to leave.
"You didn't even tell me your name," she said.
"Okay then. I'm Guy Xander."
"Really? I meant your real name."
"That's short for Gaius Alexander."
"Oh. I'm Jane Janet. That's my Facebook name."
"I thought we were exchanging real names."
"Well, who said I believed Gauis Alexander is your real name,"she said as she bade her farewell.

PS: Intellectual property of Antonio Francesco

The Mistake Of Venial Sin

The mistake of venial sin. Mistaken as a not a sin at all. Just because your heart is blooded, doesn't mean the law of God has changed.
Venial sin: Any sin that was not committed willfully. Sin that doesn't kill the soul.
After fully explaining venial sin to a friend, he said of it, we are doomed oh.
"I'm struggling to keep from mortal sin and here is a type of sin I never thought was sin at all. This heaven sef, fit make am".
And I was like, let me help with that. It's easy to sin because you hold on to Satan and his life style. Hold on to God and it will be that easy to say, "I can make it".
The only problem as you climb n the ladder of holiness is that the work you'll to do increases as you go up the ladder.
Which with God's grace in time ceases to be a problem.
Purgatory is only reserved for the people you call holy, I said. Meaning, those without mortal sin but with venial sin.
Venial can be explained as , for example:
Someone of opposite sex walks passed you half naked. You stare at him/her, at some point your guardian Angel nugdes you and corrects you, then you chose to look away, you have chose willfully to not committed a mortal sin but a venial sin. For the image of him/her remains and helps its way to become a temptation. So ultimately, what the naked guy/girl couldn't do in person, his/her image did it later.
Mortal sins leave a scar, that even after a confession, you need to gain indulgences to wipe them away.
Restitution: A particular man sold a CD plate to a sister at a prayer ground. Now the sister forgot to collect the CD plate. Later the man died and went to purgatory. He was given the grace to appear to a friend in a dream. Who later went in search of the sister who paid for the CD plate.
When he found her, she shed tears. Later that night he appeared to the friend thanking him.
"The sin of the flesh makes war on us all. The greatest of them all have been it's victim."
The grace of God and our willingness to accept God grace will win us salvation.
Benedicamus dominus!

Tales of a Biafran

Do not go gentle into that cold night!
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

Though the dictates of one man
Holds you captive
Your words fade not
Though you may not make it
Your dream is alive our hearts

No they cannot shut us up.
Like their brother's did Charlie Hebdo.
Our pen, our voice, our hearts will do the needful.
While they break the law, as do ISIS.
As do boko haram.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
The darkness that is Nigeria.
The darkness of their dedication.
Dedicated at festac to the demons of their fathers.
Biafrans refuse the hell concocted as a country.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light!
The light died along the way.
Few still see the truth.
Nigerians on hell's part.
The metaphor of darkness enshrouded in PHCN blackouts.

Rage, rage.
Equally yoked with the minions of a demon of their dedication.
Nothing good will and can come out.
Out of this relationship from the gates of Sheol!

In time, in time, the Biafrans will break us free
Free from the slave name:Nigger Area.
Free as when Saul took on the name Paul!
Free from their demonic rule
Free from the demonic change!

Rage, rage, for you're tied to a nation than you choose to believe. Your salvation is tied to your nation.
No job= you'll conceive more evil.
No light= no job, hunger, buying more fuel, increase and cheating customers due to hardship.
No road.
No school= makes it easy to keep you in ignorance and inherit your inheritance: both spiritual and physical.

Don't take my word for it.
See if you can finish Chinua Achebe's "THERE WAS A COUNTRY".
And realize you are living below your best.