Sin Against The Holy Spirit

Anything that separates us from God is sin.
There 7 cardinal vices(sin):
1. Pride
2. Greed
3. Lust
4. Envy
5. Gluttony
6. Anger
7. Laziness

There 6 sins against the holy spirit:
1. Presumption
2. Despair
3. Resisting the known truth
4. Envy of a brother's spiritual good
5. Obstinacy in sin
6. Final impenitence

What makes these sins unforgivable?
You know, God's grace has an expiration date.
These sins, every sinner must pass through them and at the last: final impenitence. At 'final impenitence' he or she does not seem to have the grace of repentance.
Before I go further, let me explain grace.

There are two primary categories of grace:
1.Actual grace.
2. Sanctifying grace.

1.Actual grace is extrinsic to the soul, meaning that it is an impulse to do good or avoid evil that is sent by God and acts upon the soul much like a tugboat gently nudges an ocean liner to move in a certain direction. Sometimes the nudges aren't very subtle, as in the case of Saul who received a massive blast of actual grace on the road to Damascus in Acts 9:1-8. This actual grace "nudged" him to convert to the Catholic faith.

2. Sanctifying grace, on the other hand, is intrinsic to the soul, meaning that it inheres or takes up residence in the soul. When Saul surrendered his heart to Christ and entered the Church the Holy Spirit infused his soul with sanctifying grace.

Okay, now that we understand grace, let continue.

When you get to final impenitence, you have lost the grace of repentance.
It means you can no longer desire repentance.

You didn't know?
People think anytime they want to repent they will.
But it is not so.

Let continue by explain the first: presumption.

1.Presumption: You commit a sin and presume that Good will forgive you. He's all mercifully and forgiving, yes.
You say one more. One more won't kill me nah. After one more, another more, on and on and on.
CCC (catechism of the Catholic church) 2092: There are two kinds of presumption. Either man presumes upon his own capacities, (hoping to be able to save himself without help from on high), or he presumes upon God's Almighty power or His mercy (hoping to obtain his forgiveness without conversion, and glory without merit).

2.Despire: now you've realize you've failed to do the right thing and want to do the right thing and now are actually thinking it's impossible to repent. Seeing as it's difficult to keep from sinning.
The frustration of falling into sin, now leads you to despire.
CCC (catechism of the Catholic church): 2091: The first commandment is also concerned with sins against hope, namely, despair and presumption:
By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God's goodness, to his justices — for the Lord is faithful to his promises — and to his mercy

3. Resisting the known truth: you found out that since you can't stop, why make yourself feel bad about yourself?
So you resist the known truth.
When someone says that dress is immoral you say, impossican't. You no long see anything bad in a something that used to be a sin to you. You see how despair has graduated you to this sin?

4. Envy of a brother's spiritual good: brother here refers to all Christians.
When you see someone doing so well in his or her spiritual life, you envy them.

5. After committing a sin for a long time, you actual have made your body accustomed to it.
You don't even think before you soon anymore. It seems your conscience is dead.
Before telling he truth, you lie.
Terrible unholy words are now your 'how far' and 'what's up'.
Amongst all this, you still want to change. You carve change. Not repentance though.
Only PRAYER can gain you the GRACE (CRAVING) for repentance.

6.Final Impenitence: this part scares even the author. The grace of God has deserted you.
It means you no longer have sanctifying grace. But just the grace of survival. You are not dead yet, but you are dead in the spirit. Which is what gives the physical, life.

CCC (catechism of the Catholic church) 1864: "whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never had forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin."-Mk 3:29; cf. Mt 12:32; Lk 12:10.
There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss.

But there is hope: PRAYER.
“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest.  For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 GNBDK
http://bible.com/431/mat.11.28-30.GNBDK

Bring nothing but your wholehearted self. Don't worry if you will not be able to finish what you start, just come. Don't worry if you are not sure you want to, just come. Don't worry if you think you cannot do away with what is keeping you from Him, but come. For in time, His grace will break those hindrances.
Benedicamus Domino!

A Love Letter To The Wretched Two

Love immensed in a tale of two cities.
One held down but a curse, the other by family.
The matrix in-between suffers the unwitting connection.
Downed by the same frail strength that kept it going.
Betrayed by its very nature. Its undoing followed through by friend, foe and family.
For love. For loyalty. For trust.
For in time, the curse of the three thrust through its heart.
Its had had one hell of a courage.
It paid off. But it would never forget.
It wouldn't seek vengeance. But it never stop praying that night befall the wretched two: One Borealis, one Australis.
It called it, it's love letter to the wretched two.
Yours Vengeful,
Equatorialis.

A Tale Of Two Lovers, On Its Head

Broken, dragged, tortured, they were.
Plain, friendly, in love were they.
Succeed, truimph, excel, was the plan.
Tired, discouraged, reckless she was.

A poem, fictitious, fantasy, is it's genre.
A friend, a fiend he met.
Value, lies, enigma are  three different words.
Intrinsic, essential, inherent are those words to the story.

Semantics, etymology, don't matter surely.
Verbose, excessive, magniloquent I seem to be.
Intended, conscious, am I, of this.
Synonyms, antonyms, you need to understand.

Covet, surreptitious, lurky were her antics.
A team, a couple they were.
Killed, murdering, they did a colleague.
Haunted, traumatized they became.

Estranged, alienated, they became.
Strained, exhausted was their relationship.
Disrespected, disregarded she felt.
Divorce, dissolution she sought.
Shishi, pikim, left his lips.

The end, fin, finis, owari, ende, telos, ogwogwo.

Dreams

We are spiritual beings, whether we choose to accept it or not.
That's the more reason why I can't ever let someone say, "for example you were poor". Because by doing that, you are making me believe, not that I'm poor, consciously, but making me believe I'm poor subconsciously, which is more deadly, because I wouldn't know it's there in my head.
And that is where dreams come in.
Dreams help to increase our decrease a perception. I can't say for sure though.
Imagine this, I shot a gun in a dream. Of which it felt like a real fun. And funny enough it's the first time I held a pistol awake or dreaming.
So how do I know it's a real gun? I just felt it.
Feeling is a much stronger force than knowing: which is logical, i.e, based on calculations and deductions from reason.
As I held the gun, I asked the person who gave it to me if it was loaded, and he said," yes ".
My wet hand held the gun. So as I was about taking my first shot, something reminded of the lecture I had in physics about nine years ago. It was about the third law of motion (action and reaction are equal and opposite) and as I hand held the gun, it felt like the recoil force would make me miss my target, plus my hand was wet which would increase the recoil force and make me miss my target. So I decided to dry my hand and the gun.
After that, I took a shot at my target and missed and I felt it was so real. I honestly cannot explain this feeling.
It's like the feeling of knowing you made an error somewhere in your calculations before aiming at your target. Just like I would have felt in real life.
My point is, dreams are more real than we care to give it credit.
This only proves how much we need God.
We need God much more than we know.

Perception

How you saw things ten years ago isn't how you are seeing them now.
A better way to put it would be: how you felt about things ten years isn't how you are feeling things now.
And as you get older , that's how boring everything around you get depending on the actions you've taking over the years.
The feeling is all in your brain.
I am writing this feeling all different in perception. In fact, I feel like I went ten years back in time.
But this ask is happening in my mind. I am sane and awake. You should note that.
The feeling is that of ecstacy.I absolute am not sure what would trigger such immense feeling but thank God it happened.
Somehow I felt as if sleeping again will make me lose it. Though I know it will soon expire, since I can feel it leaving as I write. But it leaves me with knowledge of the fact that somewhere in my mind, there is happiness and I can locate it next time.
About that (locating a feeling): it's not an exact science per se, but it's worth trying.
It is almost trial and error, but with a pinch of salt.
To locate a feeling, I use a picture, a song, a landmark, a food, a person. These are, with relation to how I felt as at that time those items(pictures, song etc) and I were in sync.
If I can locate these memories, I can juxtapose them against the feeling I felt back then and use the aura that comes with it.

Aurora Equatorialis

The sun is going to its home
far far, in the west.
Approaching New York,
will it in time
and lighting up Bermuda
as it goes.

It diffuses into the clouds,
like a red smoke, as it obeys
Brownian motion.

Simile was a distant cousin
to the second stanza.
So don't correct me
even if I'm wrong.

The moon mocks the sun
as it leaves.
As Mourinho would Wenger,
when victory glides
into his palms.

Though the stars
are shy tonight,
but they hope to pry.
For our star-system
is not dry like theirs.

As the northern lights
wiggle in the Arctic,
my equatorial eyes
beg to behold its aurora,
as would an Eskimo plead
to hug the warmth of summer.

Winter mocks me
for it is nigh.
It mocks me even more,
for it isn't going to swing by.

The Abortion

He stared blankly with hands akimbo. A hand touched him from behind. His brain didn't quite interpret it as a touch as he gave no response. He seemed totally disconnected from reality.
She was pregnant for him. She broke the news over the phone. He'd thought he wouldn't be so sad if a thing like this ever happened.
She shook him.
"You look depressed."
"Are we going to abort it?"
"No, no, no, no."
"Are you saying 'no' to what I said or something else?"
"I'm losing my mind", was what left his lips.
" No, we're not, never aborting her."
"Her?
You're scaring me."
"Forget I said that, but no abortion.
No one has to die because we did something terrible. We can do this."
"I have our backs."
The imagery in her head were all tales of doom. His words didn't seem to make it better.
Logically he thought, "how can I add a worse sin to the one I already have?"
A silence ensued...
Then she said, "I can't have this baby."
His brain was scanning through millions of files: helpful words he could say to dissuade her from following through with her decision.
"No one has the right to think you're not a saint. I would consider you one if you don't. I won't judge you if you do.
There is no 'physically' dissuading you..."

Ten years later...
"Do you remember that morning when you talked me out of the abortion?"
"Who can forget that day?"
"Well, I met a doctor who was to help do the abortion."
"What?!"
"He was trying to abort the baby when he said there was a complication. He said some medical terms I can't quite remember, but the long and short of it was that, I would lose my womb if he attempted it."
"Mummy, I'm need one thousand naira."
"For what? Can't you see your dad and I are taking?"
"Oh, which kind wicked excuse be this, mtcheeew!"
He stared at her sternly, and she walked away.

"Joe, joe. You get lectures today?"
"No. Wetin you want again?"
"Hahaha. Abeg my babe get belle and she wan pull am by all means."
"Wait wait wait, guy na wa for you oh. How come na? You dey dull die!"
"Guy, that's by the way sef. She wan abort am and I no want make she abort am?"
"Guy na all this your uptight religious way dey make me taya for you. Na which kind talk be that. Leave am made she abort am na!"
"Guy hear me out na! I want make you act as doctor. I don tell her best friend make she recommend you as the quack doctor.
All you have to do is say the script I'll give you."
"I go pay you."
"No worry I go do am for free."

Later that night

"Guy how the thing go? Hope say you no fall hand? 'Cause I never take eye see her since morning."
"Dude, you need see me where I dey act! Guy I be world class actor. All those my fake lecturers wey no sabi mark script no dey acknowledge my I ingenuity.
" You succeed! "
"Guy, chillax na! I be final year theatre art student oh. Yes e work!"

Waving her hands in front of his face, she quizzed, "what are you thinking?"
"Just thinking of how beautiful she turned out to be."

Of The Spirit

Wars, politics and famine are only but a distraction of what goes on underneath our very eyes. Not everyone can understand these things but we all see it. It is useless to see without understanding. It is the same as not seeing at all.

         FN: Believing takes the grace of God.

You can scream in your heart how 'churchy' or religious this is.
Without prayer and fasting our soul are most likely doomed to fail to reach its destination: heaven.

"For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age." Ephesians 6: 12.

Everyone's fighting this battle: knowingly or unknowingly.
You cannot be in the middle. If you are not fighting on the side of God; you are fighting for the devil. Which means, even those that do not fight for God or the devil, are also fighting for the devil.

"Anyone who is not for me is really against me; anyone who does not help me gather is really scattering." Matthew 12: 30.

Imagine someone: he's drunk and he has almost no control over his mind and the flood gates which are supposed to be his inhibitions are gone... The exact opposite is what fasting does to the body. Ironic, in the fact that you're supposed to be hungry and starving, but it gains you the much needed control over the starving body. You can even choose to starve to death and it wouldn't have been a big deal. For in that state, one has clarity of mind. A scientist would take me up on this and the experiment on this, would come out flawed, for it is the spirit of God that helps us on such endeavor.

"Sin must no longer rule in your mortal bodies, so that you obey the desires of your natural self. Nor must you surrender any part of yourselves to sin to be used for wicked purposes. Instead, give yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes. Sin must not be your master; for you do not live under law but under God's grace." Romans 6: 12 - 14.

Jehovah's Witnesses

He was at home, alone on a working day doing shores. Someone knocked on the door. Surprised, he peered at the strangers from the window closest to the door.
Reading their looks, he knew they were Jehovah's witnesses. Instinctively, politeness drove him to the door and he unbolted it. "Hello, we are Jehovah's witnesses. May we share the word with you?"
"Shey, it's the word of God? Sure." He said in my head.
Sitting on the bench in the veranda, they sat on either side, betwixt him.
They asked him to read from the bible, but he said, "let me get mine". It didn't occur to him that he didn't know how to read. "Read this chapter out for us", one of them said. That's when he realized that he was inert.
He couldn't just make himself do it. He felt held back. He told them instantly, " I can't read " They said, "you can read but you don't know. Now pick the words one after the other." Before long, read the whole lot out. He realised then that he had read his first set of sentences. He didn't want to stop reading but then, they started  preaching. All of which were like white noise, until they said Jehovah's the name of God.
That was when they found out that he was selectively shy. He spoke as though, he'd read the whole book in the world. Astonished, they ask for more of his bibles. But still he kept proving them wrong with each and everyone of the bibles he brought out.
Before he could say any further, his dad came back from work unexpectedly. He sent them away; gave him a slap, his tender face didn't reject. Screaming at the top of his voice as the scolding came in their thousands. The only words that kept banging in his head was, "how I wish you heard me talk."
"I was doing pretty well"
They left him a different, better person.
A week later, a neighbour asked...

Orion's Star Light

Taking a lonely walk as usual, I got accosted by a guy I knew less than little about. In my head I prayed he wouldn't go my way as I wanted a tranquil walk. But the dude was headed my direction. So I gave up my lonely, quiet quest for a less than wanted company.
I struck a conversation about the tranquility of sober reflections and quiet walks, which he seem to oppose.
The discussion was stale and dry. And as I wasn't a people's person, I tried to bail out with a lie that a certain girl was supposed to meet me half way. Knowing the protocol, he strode off.
I stood still; handled my phone as if I was trying to call someone, just so he could get farther before I could continue my loner's quest. There she was glittering like a star out of Orion's belt. The unexpected and fictional girl I was supposed to meet up with, that I never planned. She had taped my shoulder from behind with an aura of uncertainty and unwillingness.
"Hi! It's dark and I need to go to the bank. Are you by chance going that way?"
"This is new", I thought. I looked at her for a second and shrugged, "okay".
Deciding I was still going to continue my meditation, for I was searching for my muse with an esteemed verve, I placed my hands free in my ear, and started strolling along side someone I now thought as 'Jane Doe'.
" I'm Jane by the way "
"What are the odds?!"
"What?"
"Please don't tell me your surname is Doe" I whispered to myself. "These jeans are too tight to run in."
"I'm James." Lying to her was a good idea since she seemed like she reads minds.
Then we exchanged all those other details.
"Hope I'm not asking you too many questions?"
"Not at all"
"I'm just trying to make a conversation. The silence is deafening"
"Sorry about that. It's just that I set out with an aim of walking in silence, so I could find my muse but everything isn't happening as planned from inception. No offence though"
"None taken."
"Withdraw for two", I said as she stepped into the ATM gallery.
As she stepped out, she tried to squeeze a five hundred naira note into my hand.
In utter shock I said, " no, that was a metaphor. I didn't actually mean it."
Disappointed, she had the countenance of one who needed to disappear but couldn't.
An awkward silence ensued. I was lost. As I didn't know what protocol best suits the situation.
She got to her juncture, and we parted ways without as much as a gesticulation of goodbye.
Instead of finding my muse, I found confusion, all in the actions of a girl I knew not.

My History With Music

I remember the first song I loved. For a person who usually gets angry when he hears a song, it was a really surprising event. I was minding own business when the chorus of "fool again by west life" stuck to my head. Sitting on the veranda, my neighbour kept increasing the volume. I stood there and I sang my first chorus. 'Twas all I sang all week. Of course, it was the only song I knew and loved.
It didn't take long; I mastered every word, every pause, every instrumental part.
Even though the voice was crude, it never really mattered 'cause I didn't hate how it sounded.
Ever since then, it has been from mastering one album to the other, to the extent of having almost 500 songs fully mattered.
I even moved from songs to mastering movie sound tracks. It seemed like it was gonna last forever and it seems so even now. It's been over 16 years since that first song.
The good old days. A list of musicians and their songs memorized.
* West life (group)
At least one album √
* Celine Dion
Multiple albums
*Phil Collins
All of my life
* Brian Adams
Everything I do.
* Michael Jackson
Speechless (still the only song of his I love)
* ...
I took a break.
I started watching movies.
Simba (Every damn sound) If you didn't watch this movie, "you miss die".
Aladin
Hercules (I'll find my way)
I graduated to motion pictures.
The rock (the movie) every sound track.
Bullet in the head (a song and the main sound track)
The good, the bad and the ugly (main sound track)
Home alone part 1 ( holy night)
Sound of music (every damn song) I love this movie.
Rattle snake (nollywood) Still remember oh.
Nemesis (nollywood) (theme song)
Then I resumed music
*Akon's album (akon trouble)
Lonely
Ghetto
Locked up
*Akon's second album
Never took the time
Nobody wanna see us together
Sweetest girl.
*Psquare came
It should be noted I hated African queen by Tu face, when it came out.
Omoge mi
Temptation
Oga police
Story
Never really liked Dbanj till
"Why me"
*Tu face
Grass to grace album.
*9ice
Kongaso
*9ice
Street credibility
*Faze
Originality
*Chris Brown
With you
It should be noted that after that song, I stopped listening to that dude.
*Iyaz
reply
*Owl city
Fire flies
*Jason Derulo
Wha cha say
*Wclef R. kelly
Ghetto religion
*Reuben Studdard
I need an angel
*James blunt
You're beautiful
*James blunt
Stay the night
*James blunt
Out of my mind
*James blunt
Carry you home
*James blunt
Tears and rain
*James Blunt
Goodbye my lover
*Banky W
Strong tin
*Bracket
Happy day
Yori yori
Little children
*Psquare game over album
*Asa
Jailer
*Asa
360°
*Asa
Bibanke
Then Adele sang a song that became timeless
*Adele
Someone like you
*Adele
Don't you remember
I got to know some good friends.
*Backstreet boys
Incomplete
*Sarah McLaughlin
In the arms of the angels
*Sara Groves
Going home
Then I met a crazy friend who only likes indie songs, and their likes
*Imogen Heap
Hide and seek.
Nobody but few, ever understood why I loved this song so much.
The newer ones
*Demi Lovato
Skyscraper
*Christina Perri
A thousand years.
*Michael Hearts
We will not go down
*Keith Lancaster
Awesome God (the a cappella)
*Carrie Underwood
Jesus take wheel
My point is, I really do know more than 500 songs off by heart.
It's not an achievement; neither is it a flaw.
These song shaped me in some way.
Majorly 'cause I let it. Which makes it important to censor the songs you listen to.
It's been fun taking you guys down my memory lane.
I'll leave you with a task.
Go download 'hide and seek' by Imogen heap.
It's a weird song but the lyrics are so deep.

An African thunderstorm

There is a poem of the same title written by David Rubadiri.
People know cold but few have the profound experience of intense willful cold.
It was a crusade. 'Twas the last day of the crusade and I had a friend me drag to it. Standing in the chaplaincy arena, we prayed vigorously until midnight when the rain started.
It sounded terrible; it issued strong winds.
All signs of an impending thunderstorm. Few showers turned into a vigorous down pour. I stood still in prayer, knowing I can't die while praying and won't be sorry if I did.
Now it was one hour, thirty minutes into the rain and I was still in it. We were well over hundred when the rain started. Peering at the "about a little over hundred people" still in the rain, I stood my ground.
Now the last batch of people left, then I felt cold for the first time in over two hours in the rain.
Just as I stepped out of the rain into the pavilion crowded and hot, my muscles all started that involuntary vibration. I heard a voice said, "sorry". And as I tried to respond, I found out that the muscles in my upper and lower jaws were gridlocked like they were frozen.
That wind of fear blew in, and like a kick, my heart started pounding alarmingly.
I was muttering words I didn't mean to say,
"dididididididi"
Experiencing an almost hypothermia, I crawled into the core of the crowd and felt a little bit warmer.
Before long, most people who lived around left for their hostels leaving very few people to share body warmth with.
It was three in the morning, cold and still raining.
Everyone was dead quiet. I knew if I shut up, the night would be longer than necessary.
So I started an argument. And everyone almost forgot how cold it was to the extent that someone stood from where he was crouching and started raising his voice as he argued.
The argument soon became boring and a long silence ensued.
At six, a bus came and took everyone to the main campus.
That day, I crossed out 'praying in the rain' off my bucket list.
Heat is terrible, and so is cold.

Source code

Our source code is who we are; who we are meant to be. It's not the construct of our mind.
Everyone feels that. It's the one thing that makes you actually and realistically different.
Obviously, your source code can be lost. This happens when you step too far offline.
Your source shapes you. It makes you make decisions you yourself sometimes don't fully understand.
Every now and then we go out of resonance with others: the greater population.
It then makes us question ourselves.
"I beg to differ" for example is a statement more often use to buttress the fact that one's source code strongly disagrees.
While our source code could be poisoned or contaminated from inception,
others are protected from such contaminant.
For instance: if one likes soft music and classic music, it doesn't mean the soft or classic music shaped the person to who he or she is.
I'm full proof of that but I'm not an isolated or control experiment to that effect.
I'm throwing in my hypothetic views of what could turn out to be facts.
If so, it proves beyond reasonable or doubtable fact that I'm unequivocally correct.
For example, I like this or that is not because you taught me to, I've always unconsciously wanted it; you just brought it to my consciousness.
Because no matter the derail, you will feel a strong divine pull to your source code. It's inevitable: unless you've successfully lost it.

A good man once told me, if your 'dream in reality' is not worth the same as your life, it was actually just a dream.

Fearfully Inspired

Years back, one particular type of video was circulating. Everywhere I go I see people watching this or that about 'the illuminati' or 'free masons'.
I have to confess, the videos got to me at first and I was their number one supporter. But it got to a stage, the videos stopped coming, people stopped talking about it.
It seemed if you did, you are termed crazy and paranoid.
Someone always used this as a defence when I tell him to discontinue his love for secular songs.
He would say, "I don't mean what they say". "The song mean what I want it to mean."
Which is 100 percent wrong.
Because, if they did represent the illuminati or free masons, it would mean they had to dedicate the songs.
Yes!
And it doesn't matter even if the lyrics were saying something good.
So that when you sing the song you're praising the devil himself.
Have you ever heard of the saying, "evil is sometimes done even when you have the best of intentions".
The devil knows for sure his target population( christians or religious people) would not sing a song that makes it exceedingly clear that they are praising him.
So He does the best next thing dedication.
It doesn't matter what the object is, if the spirit of God is not in it, it will and can be possessed by evil. And by evil, I mean demons.
MUSIC
Many people do not really understand the huge impact music plays.
Music is more spiritual than is physical.
So much so that people turn to music when they are sad to make them happy. To make them sleep when they can't.
And an even more devious one of luring the opposite sex in an attempt to get them in the mood.
Music is very powerful.
Most of those songs we sing are either getting us closer to God or away from him.
I once wanted to delete all worldly songs on my phone but then I just couldn't.
For days I was struggling to do it. But finally, I deleted them. That is the power music holds. Each time I wanted to delete the songs, the devil picks my favorite song and plays it. And if that one doesn't stop me, he'll pick another one. So I had to scream as loud as could, and marked all the songs and deleted them quickly.
I'm not saying shouting was the best option but I'm saying it was worth it.
Because at a time it was frustrating having to give in to the temptation of not deleting them.
Remember, "the kingdom of God sufereth violence, and the violent take it by force".
This was my own way of taking it by force.
I do not trust, these musicians to not dedicate their songs to the devil, so to be on the safer side, I'll rather sing a sing that glorifies God than the one that does not.

The Ingrates: South Africans

I'm terrible at history but my Dad is relentless.
When I was a kid I was told that our government(Nigeria), I can't actually specify which regime, helped the South Africans in their struggle against apartheid.
I was also told that we had serious issues with the British because we changed the name of a company they owned named, British Petroleum(BP) to African Petroleum (AP). Please do correct me if I'm wrong.
At a time, Nelson Mandela was giving a refuge here(Nigeria). (Correct if I'm wrong).
And now another article I saw online which allegedly said we spent billions of naira on bringing down apartheid.
Now I'm not saying we should brag about the good things we have done for them DIRECTLY.
But what have they ever done for us?
I heard someone say they gave us MULTI-CHOICE, MTN, SHOPRITE ETC.
The last time I checked, I paid for the recharge card(MTN) I bought.
If they think they are doing us a favour, they should fold up.
I bet three more companies will take their place.
They even have the impunity to say we take their jobs, their women et cetera..
You can't blame anyone for being lazy or ugly.
I'm being frank.
It's purely rooted in jealousy.
It's painful they don't know their brothers.
They'll rather kill other Blacks( I don't say this with spite for other races) and embrace other race while claiming DIVERSITY.
HYPOCRITES!
The real people they should be angry about are the other races who makes up more than 50% of their upper class.
Do you even know that in some places in South Africa they still practice apartheid, though, informally.
In a place called maritzburg(not sure of the place)
Coward South Africans can't speak for themselves but turn on other Africans.
It's very fun. A Nigerian will never harm a foreigner.
You absolutely have no justification for extrajudicial killings.

Kissing: Is It A Sin?

Someone asked. What do you think?
Is it a sin?
My reply was, "for you to even doubt that it's not a sin has given it up as a sin".
But I guessed that, that answer was too ambiguous and based on faith.
So I decided to explain why it was a sin.
To be utterly frank, it's not kissing that is the sin.
It's what goes on in your mind that is the sin.
So if in your mind you like that fact that you're kissing someone (sexually) then it's a sin.
There are other fewer times when kissing is not a sin.
Like kissing a sibling on the cheek or mum on the head.
Or gesture of kissing that laid it's foundation on other emotions like Happiness, friendship (nonsexual), etcetera.
My point is, if your body told you it enjoyed it or you know your partner did, you either committed a sin or shared in a sin.
You shared in the sin in the sense of making someone commit a sin when you know doing that(kiss) would make them commit a sin. Even though you felt nothing (sexually) by kissing them but the same could not be said of your partner.
So kissing as a sin is complicated but in the Nigerian and African scene, where it's not a culture to kiss our loved ones, it unequivocally points to a sin with very little exceptions.

Homosexuality

To what end can we accurately and precisely determine what is, and what is not. Who is this and who is that.

There are heated controversial debates surrounding the issue of homosexuality. I'm not here to discuss the morality as pertaining to such acts. Although I might add that personally I see it as an act contrary to natural principal and thereby wrong. Be that as it may be, as I said earlier, I'm not here to discuss ethics..

I am here to discuss attributes we do consider and reasonably assume that determines who is and who is not a homosexual. I have tried to see whether of all these features, there is any unique one that specifically apply to only such group of persons, I came up empty handed.
Why?
When you study this features, and analyse it just as I did and will put down here. You will either agree with me or not, that you cannot conclude without being told that a person is indeed a homosexual.

Why am I so bothered to know this unique feature. Well, it boils down to diplomacy. When you can discern them, you know how to associate with them, what is and is not off limit, to what extent can you tease them, weary whether you may have unconsciously led them on, vigilant as to what they can and cannot do. You name them.
I may have an unadulterated hatred for what you do, that doesn't mean I cant tolerate you and have a reasonable conversation with you... Who am I to ostracize you because of your proclivities?
With respect to those attributes I spoke about, they include:

Firstly, is the issue of Tomboys and Effeminate guys.
This is the one 90percent of persons use to erroneously reach a conclusion that might be far from the truth. She acts like a guy (I like that in ladies a bit), he acts like a girl (I detest). Does that make him or her gay? Have we bothered to know what made him or her like that. It could be a number of things. For instance, some guys grew up in houses filled with girls, and the opposite could be said of girls who grew up in houses full of guys. At times, which is not always in all cases, the attributes which they are most surrounded with rubs off on them and they see themselves unintentionally exhibiting it. Its hard to stop.
I'm not ignorant of the fact that there are certain gay people who use that as a beacon light to attract mates.

Still, you will find guys so high on masculine traits that there is no single softness in them and some girls so filled with feminine characteristics that there is no strong will in them, turn out surprisingly to be homosexuals. Will that lead you to conclude that any person that acts normal is gay?

Secondly, is the issue of Dress Code.
As I said before, I like girls who act like guys a little. But I have a thing for girls who dress a lot like guys while retaining there 'Feminity'. It's so cool. Same can't be said by me for guys.
She cuts her hair low, puts on plain nice shirt, slightly loose jeans, a pair of sneakers, papa's cap and adorns her hand with a masculine wristwatch. Wow. Making sense. Dont blame me, I'm a guy, I'm not expected to be that objective.
The question is, so what?.
He takes an hour to come out from the bathroom, paints his face, puts on earrings and spends another 30 minutes with the mirror. He then wears a bracelet, puts on unisex shoes over tight pants(trouser) that is expected to show what, contour? Yuck.
The question still remains: So what?
As noted before, it could be a beacon. It could also mean they have a weird and silly sense of fashion that tends to shift to a gender not theirs. Since you cant be sure, why would you conclude that he or she is gay because of dressing

Lastly is Speech pattern. When you sometimes witness guys and girls talk, you can't help but wonder, if you were not to be seeing them, which voice would you think belongs to the guy and which to the girl.

I was walking from Law faculty to my hostel one day using the pedestrian walkway. My mind was processing the fact that two girls were walking behind me, because of their voices; how they were chatting and giggling. I decided to reduce my step, so that they will pass me, and leave me to appreciate God's creations. They walked over only for me to realise that they were both guys. To say I was surprise would be putting it mildly. I had to look back again to confirm that my mind was not playing tricks on me. What a shocking encounter.

Also is another encounter were i was waiting for keke(tricycle) around mass communication department. Three guys and a girl were discussing while also waiting for keke. A girl passed disturbing their discussion and my concentration on my phone. She was indeed beautiful. So we couldn't help but turn our head to the point of twisting our neck while following her movement. That's how beautiful she was. What got my mouth agape and captivated was the speech the girl with the guys made. With a loud deep voice having no iota of 'feminity' in it and in a manner hard, if not impossible for a female to use she said. 'O boy, this girl major ooh. Chai. See that kind rack. God help us ooh'. If i was not looking at her literary while she was at it, nothing will make me believe it was a girl that spoke that way and with such voice.

Should I conclude because of their speech pattern that they are gay? Nope. Certain things can contribute to that ranging from where they grew up, how they grew up, with whom the grew up to their temperament. You never can tell.

A classical example of a person that exhibits all the alleged traits of a homosexual is Charlie Boy, the most open and weirdly oriented guy. But he has a family and time and time again, he had made it clear to everyone that he is not a homosexual.

Some students, just because they had exhibited this attributes I mentioned, have been the subject of victimization, sheer hatred and ostracism for alleged believe in practice they might dislike with passion which had constantly led to their traumatization.

My advice is this. Since in law, it is better that ten criminals go scot-free than an innocent person sent to prison. Same way is it better to mistake ten homosexuals for straight people than to erroneously accuse one straight person of being gay. Be Wise

Article by Chukwuma Udoka Prince

FROM A CRAZY ARCHITECT'S MIND

I gave it to you...my sketchbook...my most prized
possesion. You told me that you'd make sketches
n drawings for me...beautiful ones...of flowers,
trees n parks...n of sunsets n sunrises...n of
course, buildings. So I gave it to you whole
heartedly.
But when I saw the first sketch...it was nothing
but scribbles...ugly ugly scribbles...like the
markings of a demoniac.
And so I took it from you. I took my sketchbook
back...though I didnt want to.
But then...you came back...n said u were
sorry...that you wanted to make it right...
...n just like God taught me, I forgave...n I gave u
my sketchbook...again.
But when I got it back, i saw worse
markings...very bad ones.
...n each stroke I saw tore at me...like the claws
of a fiery dragon...n sunk beneath my skin...like a
vampire's fangs.
Heartbroken, I took it from you...again.
But you wouldnt stop coming. You came back,
each time looking more contrite...n I thought you
really were...so I gave freely...but you only got
worse...
But I believed in you...so I still gave...
...until...
...there was one page left...just one page.
Then came you again...asking for pardon and one
last chance. And I told you...I had one page left. I
could not take that risk.
Then you promised. You promised to make it up
to me for all the wasted n lost pages. You swore
you were going to make it all right...that you'd
tend to my broken heart.
Then, I, vulnerable...n hungry for something
beautiful, gave it to you. I gave you my very last
page...because I believed.
But then...you didnt change...just like a leopard
can't lose its spots.
You not only scribbled on it. You neglected it...n
my heart with it.
It was drenched in the rain n scorched by the
sun. The little boys on the street played with it.
Drunks fought over it...n then you came along...n
with your very own hands...you tore it up...into
tiny bits n pieces...
...n the wind carried it away.
Then you came back...asking for one more clean
sheet...even if only a scrap. But I had none to
give...for I gave all I had to you.
So you left...sad and beaten.
And I cried...because I was hurt and heartbroken.
I cried because the were no beautiful
sketches...or even memories...just sad heart-wrenching memories.
And I hope you learnt something here: to use
every opportunity to create beautiful memories in
the minds of all you meet...because if you dont,
one day, there will be no more opportunities, just
sad sad memories.
Good bye.

Article by Hope Eboh E.

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Rejection

Being undergraduates and students in the university exposes us to a lot of happenings around us. We react and act based on the strong emotions we feel. At times we find ourselves thrust upon certain experiences, unleashing on people and being unleashed upon certain emotions. Ranging from Love, hatred, anger, betrayal, obsession among others. But the emotions we are here to discuss is the feeling associated with REJECTION.

Rejection is a bitch. That's the only statement i can think of that perfectly qualifies it. You can qualify it your own way.

In our passage through life, we are expected to face rejection one way or the other. It is an inevitable and undisputable fact of life. No matter what you tell yourself or how you tell it to yourself, if you are rejected, no matter the reason, you must sulk. How long you do that is another question you will answer yourself.

We know that rejection really hurts, but they can also inflict damage to our psychological well-being that goes well beyond mere emotional pain. Here are known facts that describe the various effects rejection has on our emotions, thinking, and behavior.
Let’s begin by examining why rejection hurts as much as it does:

The technique for measuring brain activities called Functional Magnetic Resonace Imaging (FMRI) shows that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. This is why rejection hurts so much (neurologically speaking).
The emotional ache you feel on being rejected particularly in relationship is similar to that of physical pain. When we relieve such painful memory, it seems to hurt much more than physical pain itself.

Some people are so used to rejection that it hardly pains them at all. They have developed  a thick skin for it and what I consider a shock absorber to cool down the pain. You break their heart, to see in the next few days they are out again smiling and eyeing the next person.

In some it creates the surges of anger and aggression. Some don't seem to take rejection well. Fear those. You are in for it if you mess with them. It's either they beat you not even black and blue, but orange and purple, or they stalk you. Pray they don't unleash the aggression you triggered by going on a killing spree or inflicting pain on your friends.
Pray harder your testicles are not severed or hot water or acid poured on you or your house and cars set ablaze

Some I refer to as idiotic few tend to internalise the anger and go ahead to inflict self harm on themselves as coping mechanism that may lead to serious health issues. They even contemplate suicide. They are big time crazy to me.

Your academics is not exempted. It takes its toil there too. Your ability to concentrate on your studies is affected. No matter how detached a person you are and how you are able to separate your emotions from your books, you will still feel your thought slightly drifting away, recalling how you were dumped or turned down. Not healthy for studying at all.

Finally you will agree with me that rejection shatters our self esteem. You begin to question yourself. 'Am I not good enough'. 'Maybe its my fault', 'its like I deserved it'. 'I brought it upon myself' and on and on you go
Imagine when you approach a person with your swag or catwalk just to have that person dissect all your flaws at a go. Na die be that. You can kid yourself you don't give a damn. Story!. The 'damn' you give is extremely high. No matter who you are, your self esteem must definitely reduce at least a notch

We pass through the university, not only for the sake of acquiring academic knowledge but also practical reasoning as to how to handle each situation thrust upon our way with diplomacy. The Igbo name for university is Mahadum (know it all)

You are a guy or a girl, you want to end a relationship or turn down the advances of the opposite sex. There are a thousand and one arts you can master for doing it without looking down on the person, being rude, insulting, annoying and arrogant about it. If you don't know, a good place to start is with euphemism.
If you plan on doing otherwise, just pray the only persons you try it on are those like me that will go inside withdrawn for a couple of days. If you try it on other set of persons i mentioned, pray your second name is Miracle. Because you will need the grace of God to come out of it unscarred

Also, the sign of maturity, education and what differentiates you from every other person who may display primitive characteristics, is your ability to take tough things that comes your way in strides.
He or she broke your heart,dumped you, rejected your advances,.shattered your ego, lowered your self esteem and the likes. Calmly do yourself the favour of walking out with your self respect intact

The best thing you can do after such experience is to discuss it over with your friends. I bet they must definitely laugh at you, tease you, but you might also see them discussing about their own experience and encounters. Making you understand you are not the only one that has been there nor will you be the last to be there. Such discussion really goes a long way to making you feel better.

Having read all these, i have one advice to offer.
Rejection sucks, your ability to overcome it and move on makes you a bigger boy or girl. Be wise

Article by Chukwuma Udoka Prince

Being Relevant

I use to think laying low and being quiet sounds
cool and great. But seriously, I tell you, it's not
all that cool. I called a class mate from my
secondary school and tried explaining myself to
him, but it was taking him time to place me.
Why?, because I was so aloof to almost
everything those days. Though it pissed me off it
took him time to place me, but I am more to be
blamed
I knew then that being quiet was overrated. Why
exactly are you being reserved and keeping to
yourself? Try being significant in one aspect or
the other. Let it be said you were annoying,
funny, sharp in dressing, stupid, a Casanova,
smart, informative or any other thing. Just don't
come across as somebody who is known for
nothing.
Being significant is what matters. A time will
come when the question will be, what exactly is
he good at? Let it be said you were known for
something. Although you will be better off it being
a positive stuff.
Article by Chukwuma Udoka Prince

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Utopia: City of dreams (Rebirth) Chapter 1(i)

The wind ran through the trees. Making them whistle as it did.
Startled by an orange falling down from a tree, Chike quickly turned thinking it's an invader.
Hurriedly he ran into the bunker with a basket full of vegetables and fruits he was able to scavenge. The mangoes were almost all rotten but that's all that remained after a squadron of Biafran soldiers collected all their fresh fruits.
Chike had this stern countenance like one seeking revenge.
Tear drops left his eyes seeing his mother eat those rotten fruits.
But there was hardly anything he could do.
His Dad that went searching for food was yet to return. His mother can not bear the thought of not having him near her.
It's harmattan season. And the cold was apathetic.
It felt like everything was against them. It was getting dark. He walked round the compound to make sure they were still safe hiding there before he headed back to the bunker.
"Nwa m, I see how you stare at thin air. God is not asleep. Go to bed. Tomorrow is always worse than yesterday. Yesterday will never happen again but tomorrow is yet to come. O? Inugo?" He nodded in the affirmative.
"A man does not cry. A man is a man"

Melancholy's Epiphany

Mid-sweet talks on newspaper word cutouts got his heart pounding and he's scouring for any possible clues to prove him wrong or to prove him right. Either way it would be a win win.
It's easy to say he's crazy if you had walked in on him at that moment.
Tear drops hangout from his eyes half formed like a semi sphere.
You could unequivocally tell he's dying slowly from the inside out.
What is he searching for?
Clues.
Clues that would prove he's right.
Clues that would make them see what he's so afraid of. He found it. He tore it out from the whole newspaper. It would be the first time he's reading a whole newspaper.
He couldn't Google it. He had that kind of phone you'll spell as 'hone. With the letter P before the letter H, removed.
It wasn't internet enabled. He tore it out violently and with no finesse whatsoever. Filed it up with his other findings.
He started lecturing everyone who had the insane patience of giving him the 'benefit of doubt'.
But in the end they all told him, "get some sleep." "You're acting so paranoid."
He so badly needed to believe that. But to believe that he had to see it first.
It was he's first act of defiance of naivety. He recently stopped believing without doubt what people told him after he proved someone he so much believed in, wrong.
He peered sternly at the ceiling, lost in a place Alice would dare not wander into.
A day came when he gave up hope. He had consigned himself to fate.
He was so lucky to be able to do that.
It was God's grace.
Because in the end, and for the first time, everyone else was right and he was wrong. And ever since then, he believed people other than himself could also reason intelligently.

Heroes don't look like me

It was supposed to be fun. An outdoor function for legionaries.
I was so looking forward to it.
Disaster strikes at first light.
After been checked in, I sat close to a girl who I was having a crush on. As soon as I sat she said she wasn't going to sit there any longer. As she made a move towards  a friend of mine I felt immensely embarrassed. Was I so irritating?
I didn't ask for long though as she was a side attraction. The bus zoomed off. We finished the whole rosary as this was a prayer activity.
Before long we arrived at the cave/water falls.
It was magnificent!
As I was water shy, didn't go swimming. Taking photos and selfies was more than enough fun or who was I kidding.
So I sort of swore never to visit places where people go with their girlfriends alone.
As I sat wondering how pitiful my scenario was, I heard a scream.
It sounded like one out of a Hollywood horror movie.
Twas a swarm of bees. The MC told everyone to calm down and indeed they did.
I looked at myself. I wasn't having fun and I was looking after peoples' cloth who went swimming.
The movie "final destination" started playing in my head.
I didn't want to panic as everyone wasn't. But as soon as I remember the treacherous stairway we climbed down with. It dawned on me, if I didn't leave now and things get worse, I won't be dying from bees; I would die from a stampede. So I tried warning as many as I could but just then a bee stung me on my head. It felt so painful. I threw all the clothes I was holding; ran up the stairway as fast and as careful as I could. Outside the cave I started hearing screams of different kinds. I remember the girl who jilted me in the bus while coming and somewhere in me I feared for her safety. There began a huge battle in me. Multiple voices were talking. One said, "you truly love this girl and you'll let her die?"
I responded, "it's just bees!" "She isn't gonna die joor."
I was still watching people come out when I saw a friend of mine come out and go in again. And I screamed in my head, "is he mad?"
I started searching for the girl among the people who had come out but she was no where in sight.
There I made up my mind to go back in. Then something said to me. "This girl will not make it to your funeral if go there and kill yourself." I stopped there. Inert as if held down by a force.
Turning around I saw the said girl: hale and hearty.
In the jacket of some macho guy.
Then I said to myself, "look at me going to save a celebrity".
I'm not all stupid after all.
People had a bump or two somewhere on their body except me.
The only thing I had was a headache.
I don't regret not going down because I realized two things:
1. Someone else wants me safe.
2. The one I was trying to save doesn't care or need my help.

So you want to see my heart?

I can't sleep.
Insomnia.
I guess I've blamed this state of mind too often
though.
Well, where do I start?
At the beginning I guess.
There's a blackout though.
But it's this girl's reply that has got me thinking.
She clearly doesn't give an eF.
But I find myself doing the unthinkable: going
after a girl after she said no to me.
I've got to find my Ego.
She absolutely has no idea what she's doing to
me.
But I guess like all other girls, she thinks she has
me figured out.
I come and go as I wish.
She probably thinks and believes I'm dead and
helplessly in love but she doesn't know she is a
lab experiment.
I'm experimenting on my mind. I want to find out
if I can ever be polygamous.
But she somehow has me following my normal
curve.
I'm trying to divert my interest from just dating one
girl by dating FIVE.
But to be frank, she has my full attention while
the rest has a little over 5% which they compete
for unknowingly.
I gave her, her last chance last night when she told
me she's gonna call me back.
You know that scenario when you call someone
and each time she says, "I'll call you back"
immediately after receiving the call.
It's boldly written, "she's so not into you".
What the heck! I'm making the number two girl
number one.
And did I tell you the number two girl was forming
'not interested' until I abandoned her case.
Now she does all the calling and all the talking.
Exactly their medicine.
I know some will be wondering and saying, "this
guy sef". "He doesn't value these girls."
If I told you I do, you wouldn't believe me though.
This is my therapy session.
I realised the more I talked about my problems to
strangers, the more happy I become.
Fun fact about total strangers: they don't give an
eF!
And when someone who doesn't know me judges
me, it means nothing.
Now unto the next thing.
I'm not different from you. It's just that I've got a tinny figure, two big incisors, I talk about me a lot and I've got these eyes that run in the family.

The loner inside

I'm trying to write the perfect story but the hardest thing to wrap my hands around are names. The names of characters. It's really that complicated. Yes it is.
I tried using Ifeoma, Ifeanyi, Chioma, Chima and their likes but it sounded stupid to me. Probing further, I realised that it's because I've been acclimatized to foreign movies and that's why the names Jack, Anderson, John, Robert, Jenny etcetera comes to mind effortlessly.
You're wondering why our native names sound absurd in the said story.
I can't remember the last time I saw a Nigerian movie with passion or verve as I would do a foreign movie. You can hardly blame me for that. When one acts a movie without passion (not the romance movie kind of passion) or verve how do you expect your viewers to develop passion for it?
So when one gets his muse from a foreign movie you can hardly blame him if all the names that come to mind are foreign ones.
Don't get me wrong. I love our native names.
I'm just stating my state of mind.
And it's pathetic.
Try writing a science fiction novel with the names Chioma, Chidimma, Chinonso, Chukwuma etcetera.
Excerpt...
...she stood at the gate watching him walk away and he saw a little boy standing in front of a car in motion; it's occupants: dead drunk. Dave quickly threw away his bag pack, ran to were the boy was, grabbed him and threw him just in time for the little boy but there was no time left for him.
The car hit his rib cage and smashed him to the ground. It drove past his half dead body. He could guess all the bones in his body were broken. The sinusoidal palpitations of his heart was reducing drastically. His vision was becoming blur. The last thing he saw was Jenny running and screaming towards his direction, then it all went white...
Yes it went white instead of dark! Want to know more?
Sorry it's an excerpt.

A close call

Twas at a cross road and right in the middle of a
catch up, a gun and a surge of andrenaline came
calling.
I thought, saw, ran in split seconds.
All of that side of me that is rarely ever used.
Still pointing to the direction of a gun, a guy I
never had the displeasure of knowing edged close
and held a friend of mine.
First I thought they were cultists and I resisted
the urge to run till saw the whole street emptying
themselves in the other side of the road.
My friend pushed him, freed himself from his
grasp and fled with me, together with my other
buddy who drop his phone unwittingly, in the
chaos.
In my place of refuse, I remembered them at last.
There they were, standing in front of me, pipping
from behind a fence.
"Are they gone?"
"Guy, my phone fall oh"
"Gboza!!"
And another chaos ensued.
Minutes later I heard screams of a familiar kind.
"Ole! Ole! Ole!"
Already, I was drawing a map in my head: an
alternative route home.
Three things I took home from this experience:
1. I realized I could really run
2. That I am selfish except your blood is in my
veins
3. I'll go back for the rescue when all is safe
except...

A tranquil eventide walk

It's exactly 19:00. I'm very close to the bank. I'm walking in a boulevard, listening to a refined voice make music to my ear.
Walking dangerously close to the road and cynical while at it.
Trying hard not to lose my muse.
A beautiful voice said hello.
Feeling ambivalent, I replied, "hello".
Taking the ear piece out of my ear, I stared into her shimmering eyes: as  wet as the morning dew.
Her first words were, "can I walk with you?"
Curious and indecisive I said, "free as a bird".
Prying and intrusive, she said, "what are you thinking?"
I just couldn't fathom why she thought I would give that a reply.
I said, "ransom notes keep falling out of your mouth. Mid-sweet talks on news paper word cutouts."
And she stared at me with a countenance of confusion but kept her cool despite her scepticism about my sanity.
"FYI, I'm just using you for the company in order to feel safe walking on this lonely road but now I feel like you are the kind of scenario I was running from."
"My mistake. Pardon my indiscretion."
"I'm just not in the mood of kidnapping people today."
"What?"
"I was just accessing your earlier statement of self worth to see if it were true."
"And?"
"You're still here."
"You feel you are smart, don't you?"
"Thanks, but compliments don't move me."
Angered she said, "I see you need to be really alone."
"I never asked for company.
And yes, my mood fights back at you."
I would have love to apologise but we'll have to see a second time for that to happen."
"You have no idea you're supercilious with delusions of grandeur."
"What a compliment. You never stop, do you?"
"Go to hell!"
"I'll find you.
Trust me, I always do."
"Who cares! Gosh."
Walking off in utter fury. I could find a smirk on my face.

Vanity

What does thou seek, that thou does not already have?
Oh, in our search for vanity's swag we are indulged in an endless loop of wants and desires: never seem to be quenched; never seem to be satisfied.
Vain creatures, vain creatures I see.
Evil in time you'll seek, but for the journey, it's what the indulgence is for.
In time, in time, in vanity's arms, all foul things come forth!
It's unavoidable, the truth, that stands glaringly in front of your eyes.
Do we choose to see it; do we choose to ignore it?
The path that leads to light or the freeway that leads to darkness.
For vanity the preacher says. All is vanity!

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Discordant words

The dark stars are falling. The dust did begin to fall when people held their heads heavy.
Oily marks appeared on walls. The exact spot where pleasure moments hung: a picturesque representation of still life.
Spinning around again and rubbing my eyes in dismay. "This can't be happening".
When busy street's a mess, more than a muse slips away to silence too silent to earring.
So I'm asking the discordant company,"where are we? What the hell is going on?"
And even though I know blood and tears were here first, I know it's for the best. Mid-sweet talk on news paper word cutouts, are the forms from which these memories take shape in the vaguest part of my heart; in the aftermath of the twilights.
As is the characteristic of truth, it's hard to take in.
The promising prospects of the muse caused of melancholy.  

Sin

People refuse your methods vehemently, because they know it's sincere and genuine.
It only leads me to the realization that people aren't saying no or yes to one or some things in their life based on the present. Rather it's based on a lifelong battle of who owns who.
The body or the soul?
The body gets sick and so does the soul. And more real is soul's sickness.
If the soul is sick, it could lead the body to being sick unlike the body that more often than not gets sick and doesn't affect the soul.
How does the soul become sick?
SIN.
As viruses are to the body, so is sin to the soul. Every single sin you've committed, bears a scar on your soul and is only removed by indulgences.
So that even when you have been give absolution by a priest, you still need to gain indulgences, preferably, plenary indulgences.
Partial and Plenary indulgences are the two types of indulgences there is.
If we are to understand how sin works I'm going to make it a visible object in description.
What sin does to a sinner is to shield one from a union with God and in return, makes you visible as though like the brilliant sun to the devil.
But if you were to free of mortal sin, the opposite would be the case. You would literally look scary to the devil as you assume a place far above him and his reach.
Based on Catholic teachings, there are two types of sin.
Original sin and actual sin.
Original sin is the sin passed down unto us from Adam. At baptism, we are cleansed from it.
Actual sin is every sin you commit.
There are then two types of actual sin:
Venial sin and mortal sin.
Now venial is a sin, when committed, does not kill the soul.
But mortal sin is a sin, when committed, kills the soul.
A mortal sin is any sin you committed with full intent. It's sin done knowingly. With ur Will involved.
Venial after a long time could become a mortal sin.
For non catholics. This is the catch, free off mortal sin, you will not make hell. Only those who die in mortal sin go to hell. That's why it's called a sin that kills.
Purgatory on the other hand, are for those who die in venial sin.
For purgatory: 2maccabees 12: 38 - 45.
In the New Testament
In Matthew 5:26 and Luke 12:59 Christ is condemning sin and speaks of liberation only after expiation. “Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.” Now we know that no last penny needs to be paid in Heaven and from Hell there is no liberation at all; hence the reference must apply to a third place.
Matthew 12:32 says, “And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven; but whoever speaks against the holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” Here Jesus speaks of sin against the Holy Spirit. The implication is that some sins can be forgiven in the world to come. We know that in Hell there is no liberation and in Heaven nothing imperfect can enter it as we see in the next part. Sin is not forgiven when a soul reaches its final destination because in heaven there is no need for forgiveness of sin and in hell the choice to go there is already made.
Revelation 21:27: “…but nothing unclean will enter it, nor anyone who does abominable things or tells lies.” The place that is to be entered (the place to which this passage refers) is heaven (read the text around it for context).
Sin is as real as it can get. The more animate you make your sin look, the better.
Remember, our graces are limited. Limited in the sense that we'll die and at death it ends.
Graces are hard to gain. But gaining them is by God's grace. So don't try to play smart with Grace when about to venture into sin.
+may the Lord bless and keep you.
May His light shine in your heart, even as it shines in mine. May the Lord be good and gracious to you. Amen.

I'm stunned when someone says I'm gonna do this
or that in the future.
They seem to forget the present is part of their life
on earth.
Value every moment of your life cause every sad,
maimed, disastrous, joyous, ecstatic moment were,
are and will be your life.
# You will always have a cross
#You will always solve them.
# must cry at sometime
#you must smile at some point.
# Someone must love you and
#Someone must hate you.
#Someone must discourage you.
#Someone must encourage you.
#You must make mistakes.
# But you can choose to either be eternally sober or
apply the lessons learnt and move on.
#£lse, someone who knows where he's going in
life is gonna push you out of the way to make way
for himself.
What did you think it was/is?
It's a damn vicious cycle.
# And at times, when life is dragging you down,
you've just got to obey the laws of gravity and get
down on your knees and # pray .